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Washing away all your fears... [entries|friends|calendar]
Rika

[ website | My DeviantART ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Eh. [20 May 2005|09:48pm]
[ mood | moody ]

Well, I have a job.
For the past 2 weeks i have been working at Whites of Westport, which is one of those fancy resturants where peoples have parties and stuff. I'm the banquet waitress. yay.
People there are nice, but they obviously don't like me. I mean .. I get along with them and yeah, they like me, but really, none of them say anything to me other then "put that there" and "clear that." Obviously they don't want to be friends. Whatever. I tried. Screw them. I'm there to make money, anyway.

Random person that knows me best: 'oh, but Caitlyn, you say that about everyone you meet'

Me: Yes, dear, but when the boss tells you and 2 others that he wants one working alone in a room and th eother two working together, and one of those two girls shove you into the room saying "she'll do it", they don't want to be your friend.


ANYWAY, car is doing good. Muffler is hanging, but what can you do?
Jr. prom coming up. Joy.
and SATs. Woo hoo.

Anything else?
Anything else .....

Nope! My life in a nutshell.

P.S. I'm having my period.

1 Washed sinWash your sins

Oiiness [17 Apr 2005|10:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Well, I being a Red Sox fan really don't know much about the team itself.
Not about it's past, anyway.

As for Johnny .. well .. yeah .. ^^;

Anyway, I broke my Cell, the trip to Springfield was lame, and I need to memorize this speech I left at school.

I have this week off. And no plans. That makes it easier to watch games and do work!

Gotta fix my poor car in a few days .. the muffler is about 5 inches from the ground now .. it's like a plauge ..
But atleast I'll get a seatbelt so I wont die as quickly as I would without one!
And they said old Volvos were dependable .. x.x

3 Washed sinsWash your sins

Ack [06 Apr 2005|04:20pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

Sorry, I havn't been around for about a week.
Been really busy with Skills USA
Of which I had to cancel going swimming with Nicky to make the feathers. Oi.

Anyway. Went job hunting with her. Failed. But got Chinese food!
Jeff's on co-op and thinks hes too good for us now.
and I just dropped a Spaghetti Oh on my shirt.

We have to put Neko to sleep.
Wtf? I have NO luck with cats, and I love her so much ....

Jason almost got arrested for humping a pole for money when he was drunk.
And I still need a job.

Oh! Oh! Rileyness is coming in 3 and a half months! WWWOOOOTT!!

Renee will probably go out with Adam soon, if she isn't already.
And I need a boyfriend.
And a date to Jr. prom.

Press sucks.
so do people.
Mew.

1 Washed sinWash your sins

A convo with Riley .. [24 Mar 2005|04:48pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Don't read it if you don;t want to. But if you really want to know who I am, now's your chance.
(I'm Bloody Rose)
Sorry for the typos. I highlighted some more important stuff so you guys don't waste your time.

Bloody Rose x3: I think humans are piecs of shit in general. Sorry.
Bloody Rose x3: Eh.
Harmonic Nirvana: It is true. The human population sucks. Government, Economy, everything.
Bloody Rose x3: Mmhmm.
Harmonic Nirvana: But I don't think you, or I, or any of my friends are a piece of shit. We are better because we know that humans suck.
Harmonic Nirvana: Everyone else are stupid pieces of shit.
Harmonic Nirvana: Because they think they are better, but they really aren't.
Bloody Rose x3: Sometimes I think I'm better
Bloody Rose x3: Do you have alot of time to spare right now? Becuase otherwise, I won't come to your counsiing. This could take time.
Harmonic Nirvana: I think you are better though, because You know the truth.
Harmonic Nirvana: Go ahead, I'm here to listen.
Bloody Rose x3: Well.
Bloody Rose x3: Alot of people always used to give me compliments my Freshmen and Sopomore year.
Bloody Rose x3: Things along the lines of "OMG! You are SUCH a good artist!" "You are so nice, lykeomgwow!" dumb stuff lik that. I was always modest and had no self-esteem ..
Bloody Rose x3: I knew they weren't true - I never liked my artwork and never thought of myself as a good person but I fed off that.
Bloody Rose x3: And as they say, repetition is th best way to commit something to memory. I belved it.
Bloody Rose x3: I belived, deep down, that I was a great person, and I was a great artist with great talent, but I still acted modest on the outside.
Bloody Rose x3: When I won VICA last year, it only helped me in thinking ow "great" I was, and the complements cam flowing in from all angles. Of course, I always SAID I sucked.
Bloody Rose x3: Eventually, I reall couldn't hide my thinking myself great, so while trying to be modest, I ended up just being a COMPLETE snobby bitch.
Bloody Rose x3: Confusing?
Harmonic Nirvana: Not really.
Bloody Rose x3: Not getting the job at stapels and losing VICA so badly this year opened my eyes.
Bloody Rose x3: I'm not that great.
Harmonic Nirvana: But nobody is.
Bloody Rose x3: And .. really .. I don't have much to be proud of
Bloody Rose x3: I have some talents, but not many. As many as - any normal person ..
Bloody Rose x3: It sucks just to wake up.
Bloody Rose x3: I mean - after Nicky treated me like shit, I always thought of myself as the greater being
Bloody Rose x3: when in all reality, I'm no better than her.

Harmonic Nirvana: I agree it does. I have no talents either. I just take it in stride. I've a low self esteem as well, when people tell me I'm pretty or something, I have a really hard time believing them.
Bloody Rose x3: As people started realizing my complete .. self-absorbedness, they steered away from me, didnt really talk to me .. talked shit about me, just what I didnt want to happen. and now I'm suffering.
Harmonic Nirvana: Because I've been hurt. I used to be great way back when. I was smart, I was teachers pet, though I had few friends.
Bloody Rose x3: Thats another thing.
Bloody Rose x3: yeah .. me to ..
Bloody Rose x3: Freshmen year
Harmonic Nirvana: Elementary and 6th grade were the days...
Bloody Rose x3: But once people started feeding me, I let them stick the fork in. Who would have known it would stab me in the back of the throat.
Bloody Rose x3: I always say I'm ugly or fat
Bloody Rose x3: but in rality, I don't think I'm THAT ugly, pretty, actually, and I'm really not THAt fat, just overwieght - not bad looking.
Harmonic Nirvana: I know I'm not ugly, but I also know that I'm not that pretty either. That's what I believe.
Bloody Rose x3: But when people do honestly tell me I'm ugly or fat ..
Bloody Rose x3: it .. uscks ..
Harmonic Nirvana: Yes, it does.
Bloody Rose x3: becuase then I know the people who always said I was pretty while I was modest were lieing.
Bloody Rose x3: Yeah ..
Bloody Rose x3: I just feel so down right now.
Bloody Rose x3: I don't know what to do.
Bloody Rose x3: Go back to the old me?
Bloody Rose x3: try to become someone else?
Harmonic Nirvana: Don't ever try to be someone else.
Bloody Rose x3: It's true - I'm an attention whore and I want people to feel bad for me.
Bloody Rose x3: I gues not ..
Bloody Rose x3: But ... I don;t wanna be a monster anymore.
Harmonic Nirvana: It won't help anything, it will only make people see a mask. And then when the real you comes out, they normally won't want anything to do with you.
Bloody Rose x3: I always said how much I hated Nicole P .. but I have BECOME HER!
Harmonic Nirvana: You can change a few choice things, but never completely.
Bloody Rose x3: I guess..
Harmonic Nirvana: It just makes people see a lie.
Bloody Rose x3: I don't know who I am.
Bloody Rose x3: I realy don't.
Bloody Rose x3: I thought I knew - but that was a lie.
Harmonic Nirvana: I know who I am. I am the quiet, somewhat intelligent, plain girl that sits in the corner.
Harmonic Nirvana: Just observe what you do and you can figure it out.
Bloody Rose x3: I want .. to be ..
Bloody Rose x3: quiet .. strong and silent
Bloody Rose x3: but instead, I'm always the loud, goofy, annoying one people are sick of.
Bloody Rose x3: I have become Nicole Pare.
Bloody Rose x3: I am going to cry.
Harmonic Nirvana: Don't cry...
Bloody Rose x3: I always hated her ..
Bloody Rose x3: I hated what she did to me and how she saw herself and treated people
Bloody Rose x3: but now .. I'm her ..
Bloody Rose x3: I'm no better
Harmonic Nirvana: But you can change that.
Harmonic Nirvana: Maybe you aren't. But I believe you are.
Harmonic Nirvana: To me, you aren't a stuck-up snobby bitch. I see enough of those to know.
Bloody Rose x3: You see me online.
Bloody Rose x3: Can I tell you a secret?
Harmonic Nirvana: Go ahead.
Bloody Rose x3: I'm not who I am on gaia.
Harmonic Nirvana: Most people aren't.
Bloody Rose x3: I act nice and donate and seem concerned, but all I want are the pixels.
Harmonic Nirvana: I'm not the same online as in real life either.
Bloody Rose x3: I'm just another greed-moocher.
Harmonic Nirvana: And you think I'm not?
Bloody Rose x3: I'm just very good at hiding it.
Bloody Rose x3: Nah, I think your like me on Gaia, honestly.
Bloody Rose x3: But yeah ..
Harmonic Nirvana: And I am. I just hide behind a facade.
Bloody Rose x3: Yeah ..


I'm sorry everyone I'm just confused.

7 Washed sinsWash your sins

Life in a nutshell .. [24 Mar 2005|06:21am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

It's snowing. In March. it's snowing.
That's fucked.

And Jeff is REALLY pissing me off. Alot.
Seriously, he seems to ridicule me when I'm depressed, in a good mood, in a bad mood, hyper, happy, sad, down NORMAL ..... he ALWAYS has something to say tht makes me feel shitty.
His defense:
"you guys make fun of me all the time"
Yeah, well, atleast we aren't asses about it. Fucktard.
Did I mention he never seems to care? Some friend.

Trying to get a Co-op job at the Herald. Probably not gunn happen, though.
Stapels doen't want me. Just another taste of what real life holds - I'm going to have a hell of a time finding a job becuase I suck at everything I do.

And I don't even know if Jeff is picking me up - it's already late and he's not here, and I havn't got a call. If he doesn't come, I'll have to take the bus. Sorry, Smitty.
Unless school is delayed. How would I know, though. Can't find te phone.

3:00pm
Back from school.
Twas a very good day. I talked to but 2 people and stuck my nose in a book.
Just like freshmen year. Hmm.

Jeff was eager to go to Foxwoods tomorrow, as he was gloating this morning about going as Monica said. But on the bus, he said he didn't feel like going.
'course, it's becuase he knows I'm pissed at him.
Why am I pissed at him? No real reason. just not taking his shit anymore. Sick of him treating me like shit.
And if he's sick of my shit, better of this way. He's the reason I'm depressed, anyway. He walways has something to say.

I REALLY hope Jess and Sam are still going tomorrow, though. Michelle had a thing to go to, Ruth couldn't go, Nicky didn't want to ..
Oi ..
I'll call Sam later, and if she's not going with jess, I'll just drop.

Oh, and that post about me hving good freinds?
Meh. I was blinded again. Everyone is an asshole.
This world is full of assholes.
I hate you all.
I hope you die.

Just goes to show how dumb I really am by THINKING they cared. The only RL 'friend' that posted a comment in my journal just posted something cutsey-funny. Real friends care, like how Michelle's are always there for her.
I ain't got shit to care. I'm upset or depressed about something, my "friends" tell me to shut the fuck up or stop complaining.
Yeah, I may say shit to people or complain alot. But maybe it's a cry for help? Hell, it is, but they are ignorant retards.
By the way, since your all too dumb to read the signs .. HELP!!
Not that you will but eh.

I guess it's about time I take some more books out of the library, eh?

Thanks alot, fuckers.

1 Washed sinWash your sins

o.o [18 Mar 2005|07:01pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Michelle was PISSED about second place?
uuggghhh

I hate my life even more now.

2 Washed sinsWash your sins

Blar har. [18 Mar 2005|02:49pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Feeling much better today.
Yesterday I was uber bitch. It was probably the sickness taking over.
Oh well.
Last night I did discover something, though, that made me smile.
I have some really fucking awesome friends.
No sarcasim in that statement, either. *people gasp*

Maybe my mother was a whore and Smith was a bitch, but everyone else was so great to me - and it just made me feel like a retard for making such a big deal for losing a lame contest yesterday.

First, when I lost, Andy rubbed my shoulders and really seemed to care about how I felt. Michelle patted my arm and told me it would Be OK as well. Both of them were also still antsy to see if they won. Michelle did, and I lost my voice I was so happy for her.
Gen, who I never though liked me, came over and made me laugh and feel much better. She came so close to winning, but she's great.
Even Jeff wasn't as much as an asshole as he usualy is. Lol, that's good for him.

Then I came home to my Riley, who, as always, does the finishing touches in making my day much better than it was an hour before. <3

I don't take losing well, but I seem to be much better. Things in my life may such, but atleast I have some great friends for now. Lets just hope I don't do anything to screw it up, Lol.

I may not have many friends, but as I've always said; I'd rather have 1 great friend than 400 crappy ones.
And I have .. a bunch of great friends. Iuno .. some may just be good. I dont relly rate my friends by person, lol.

Wish I had a boyfirend, though .. XDDD Caity needs to get laid .. O.O

Anyway, Nicky P isn't doing too well. Lost her second 'love' and is constantly talking about death and sucide.
Wow, sounds like me about 2 years ago .. XDD
Too bad she's still a liar. We went to get our licence the same day - she failed but told ME she passed.
Meh.

I stayed home from school today. sssiiiccckkk .. though I bet everyone else thinks it's becuase of Skills USA.
It's really not. I woke up at 4am not able to breath in a coughing fit.

I guess I'llstill do the bulliton board. I'd like to go to states and hang out. Smithie isn't that bad. She is nice enough, but could work on her teaching skills. And her temper.

That's all for now. Mew wow.

1 Washed sinWash your sins

Fuck everything. [17 Mar 2005|07:01pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Heres a load of shit for you.
I'm a dumb fuck!
~.~

Lesse, we'll start from the beggining.

I woke up 5am this morning, exactly 14 hours ago, sick as a goddamn dog. Skills USA was today, so I decided I would give it a shot and not let anyone down. I never want to let people down. I wanted to do my best so people whould be proud of me and know their efforts didn't go to waste when training me.
Too bad they don't care anyway.
So, I went in, only to get bitched around by Mr. Sousa. That's alright, I was leaving soon anyway.
So, I show up to VICA, still sick and coughing up everything under the sun and some things that aren't, and sit with my friends. They pass out name tags, yadda yadda, and I sit through the lame Opening Ceremionies.
After being bored to death by all these "professional speakers" going UM UM UM every 3 seconds, I go off to my testing site.
I eat a big Hogie. Probably the best part of my day.
And tale the gay test.
All was fine and dandy. I thought I did well .. it was fairly easy.
So the rest of the time I'm STILL sick, coughing, a HUGE migrane, and my feet KILLING me from the goddamn heels, until dinner.
With nasty hairy chicken.
So we go the closing ceremonies. The oly good part was me and Michelle acting like lessies and going on stage making fun of the OCC. But then I had explosive diareah (SP?) and had to go through the embarassment of coming out of the stall with a bunch of immature idiots giggling at me and saying how much it stank.
Not my fault, I was fucking sick!
So the ceremonies begin.
Woo hoo.
Long story short - I lost and got to see Miss Smith do one of those "OMG" gaspie things.
I screamed my ass off when michelle won second, though. So now I have no voice.
But ofcourse, I let myself down, and everyone else. I cried for the first time in forever. Then i reaized it was just a competition, there was always next year, eh? Besides, I'll always have people stand by me, right? People care about me, eh?
Pfft. Right.
First thing miss smith says to me, after of course praising Genasis for her close victory (GO GEN! <3 <3 <3 Love yah sweetie!) she turns to me and says "So, your still doing the bulliton board, right?"
Bitch. Guess I know all you care about is my assistance in getting your good name.
After I prett ymuch told her to fuck off, she flipped on me and told me I can't leave anything I already started.
Not like I want to do it anymore, anyway.
I cried again, especially after seeing poor chris .. he was a Sr and this was his last year. Sophomore and Jr. year he laced 1st at districts and 4th at states, and it pissed th ehell out of him. This year he didn't get anything, only wanting to get to nationals. he LOVES Skills USA, and is even the Diman VICQA presidant .. but yeh know .. lifes a fag. He should have won, so should have Andy.
So anyway, I come home, and you know what the first thing my loving family says to me after learning of my loss?
"Mah, you didn;t study enough" or "you said you didnt want to do it anyway"
I didn't want to do it so I wouldnt let anyone, or myself, down.
But I let myself down.
No one else cared though.
Oh well, I should know that by now.

I;m not goign to school tomorrow. Too sick. and the last thing I need is Miss Smith nagging and all the winners .. bragging.
jeff should have atleast placed .. it's just Gay ..
Diman itself did terribly this year.
And I was no exception.
Atleast I got some support for losing, even though I didnt even do it for myself?
HAH! Yeah right.

I did it becuase Miss Smith wanted me to, and becuase my mother was actually proud of me for doing something.
But it seems once I can't do it anymore, I'm just her little loser pain in the ass accident of a daughter again.

Did I mention she never wanted me? Neither of my parents did?

Well, now you know.

People I <3 right now: Andy, Michelle, Gen and Riley.
Thanks, guys! <3

1 Washed sinWash your sins

Meh [13 Mar 2005|11:01am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Don't you hate it when a good friend of yours is in deep shit and there is nothing you can do to help becuase your a useless piece of nothing?
Me too.

Anyway, other than that, things have been .. Kinda shitty, actually.
Jeff is REALLY pissing me off.
So is everyone else in shop.
Espesially Amanda.
Michelle seems to be in hell and I can't pull her out.
And Renee isn't here yet.

I'm sick of Snow.
And I'm freezing my ass off.

3 Washed sinsWash your sins

Scary thought .. [07 Mar 2005|09:40pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

People actually read this thing!
It's the layout ..
No one ever leaves MESSAGES though .. *glares at Andy, Jeff and Shawn who have read it without leaving messages* Beeshes.

Anyway .... I spend too much time with Renee. And we both decided I need a boyfriend. Badly.
X.x
And NO, Renee, IT IS NOT A FRIGGEN DATE!
That goes for the rest of you shmucks.

Lessie .. I still havn;t gotten my plastic licence. I NEED TEH PLASTIC! ;.;

Shops a bitch. Miss Smith is acting like shes pregnant again. With sextuplets.
Sex. Hah. He he. *cough*

Trades fair Sunday - It'll be fun to walk around the school with Nay and make fun of people, like last year.
We may invite Dave again.
HEY DAVE, WANNA GO! <3 XDD
But Renee said if you brag about things she'll kick you hard.
But I never said anything ..

I r on press. Atleast I'm getting good at it, eh? I guess ..

AHH! I just thought of it-trades fair=Jason being home=him wanting to go?
Meep.
Meaning, he'll meet my friends?
Double meep.

Anyway .. yeah .. that's it. Off to read Ri's Journal so things are equal.

Love Y'all! Kiss kiss! Toodles!

Hey .. wait a sec .. did the hott twins win? o.o

6 Washed sinsWash your sins

uuugghhh [03 Mar 2005|05:55pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Right now I am searching for colleges.
And trying to find out what the hell I want to do with my life.
And also trying to figure out if I will be able to survive college, not crack under the pressure .. or drop out/flunk ...

Life really does sneak up on you.
Fast.

2 Washed sinsWash your sins

AHA! [01 Mar 2005|09:29pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]

Riley is finishing up my Journal layout right now, I can't wait to see the final product! So far so good! Riley is teh Genious!

Anyway, no school today .. more snow. Really starting to bug me .. so cold and wet and white.

While Riley was working on my layout, I decided to lurk at some of my old friends on my LJ friends list.
And I came across Faeylyn (AKA Nicole P.)
Noticing she updated in Octoberish, I decided to go take a gander at how life's treating her. And it seems all fine and dandy. She's "popular", she has a job and a car, boyfriend, in love, college friends, blah blah. Or so she tells me on AIM? Reading her Journal I come to find she once again cheated on her BELOVED Jason whom she swears upsidown and backwards is the "One true love for her". She lied to more people, seemingly hurt more people. Lol, things never change, do they? People don't understand why I hated her so goddamn much around this time last year. Maybe what she did to me was petty in comparison - but the kind of person she is is just discusting. I am actually ashamed that I once consitered her my best friend, and I am asahmed for taking it so .. seriously .. being hurt so much by it. There will always be asses in this world. Nicole just seemed to be my first taste of life. I guess we all need a wake up call.

Anyway, school .. besides this being our 6th snowday in 2 months, it's alright. Nicole S and I have become betterish friends ... ((What is with me and Nicoles! :gonk: ))
Everyone still think I should date Jeffry .. but it's not happening ..
Andrew has had enough and is not taking shit anymore. GO ANDY!
Michelle is having mommy problems (And needs to stop drinking before I cry)
Renee is growing up! (As in she is learning the right from wrong when dating and being more responible). Me and Sammie pried her to death, go us!
Amanda is still sneaking around behind her parents to see .... whats his name? .... Speaking of Amanda - remind me not to become too good of friends with her .. she seems sneaky and untrustworthy .. well, obviously .. x.x she's cool sometimes, though.
Jessica is hawt, y0. (Had to shove her in there)
Danny is still dating Daneille, and I'm still regretting dumping him Freshman year. (He lost wieght!)
Rebecca is dating Chris .. uhm ... the one with a wierd shaped head. He's wierd. Rebecca is .. eh .. but she can do better than THAT. o.o;;
I GOT MY LICENCE BEFORE SAMANTHA! Bua.
John still picks his nose .. o.o;;
Shawn .. I think he hates me! :gonk: Well, we dun talk much anymore, anyway.

That's it in the mini social world. There's more - but nothing worth getting into.

As I have stated, I have my licence .. but theres lots to do before I drive. Have to get it registered, I have to get insured, I have to fix the brakes and do standard maintenence .... won't be on the roads until the end of March. I need a Job. So hard when you have no connections - I'll work on finding a co-op job. Maybe Paul can get me one at Stapels ..

I need more art skillz. Guys like chicks with skillz. Nyome has fucking skillz ... x.x

God Napolen Dynamite is a fucking hottie. He's my lover, y0. The movie reflects off my real life a bit too much ..

I r still a devoted Gaian, but alot of my friends are leaving .. *glares at Riley* Ebol. Ninny has been a bit inactive too .. lately .. Oi .. ;.;

I think I may like someone. Has miss indipendant finnally cracked?

Oh, and I'm so close to being blonde .. XXDDDD Maybe next time I get my hair done I will be a blondie. BUA!

Anyway, there is school tomorrow, so it's time for teh bed.
Nighty night, all of no one who reads this journal! <3 <3

3 Washed sinsWash your sins

I r back! [27 Feb 2005|09:11pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

Riley talked me into coming back to Live Journal .. and she said she'd make me a layout .. WOOT!

Anyway, lot's happening .. I got my Licence .. I need a Job.

I really need a Job.

And I have to start looking for colleges .. badly ..

Skills USA in in about 2 weeks, gotta study for that.

And I'm stil single, boys! o.o;;

I SWEAR I WILL KEEP THIS JOURNAL ACTIVE! Riley will kill me if I don't ......

2 Washed sinsWash your sins

It's me again. [23 Jul 2004|11:37pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Long time no see.

I can never keep up with this thing.

I guess it's becuase I am, for some reason, obsessed with Gaia.
I mean, come on. It's just a forum where your dress up cute chibis in cute cloths! I seriously and spending too much time obsessing over a fake economy when I have a real one to worry about.

Ugh. Car. I don;t want one, but if I don't get this one from my brother, I will be carless forever. I didn't want to druve until later.
Too. Lazy.
But I am getting a new Macintosh! Huzzah! That's always a good thing and a half.

But I guess last night I realized I will never have a real boyfriend.
Sex doesn't appeal to me.
I've done things, I've seen things .. it's not like I'm ignorant on the matter or I am not mature. I just .. meh. Not something I need to have to live.
But men like sex. They want sex. They need sex.
Therefore, I come to the conclusion of being single for .. most of my life.
Unless mr. Perfect comes along. Yeah right. A man that doesn't think with his cock. I have yet to meet one of those except for online.

And why is it that online people are always so much better?
Maybe becuase they are not real. I dunno.

I guess I also have trust issues.
Guess? I know I do.
I don't trust people enought to love them. gyah. Love sucks. Internet world is yummy. You can be what you want to be, and they never have to look at you.

I guess Jay .. and everyone .. was right. I am depressed.
But why?
Betrayed? Alone? I dunno .. whatever. I don';t understand.
Maybe it's just a disorder.
Though i would like some real life friends .. if only it was as easy as the internet world .. *sighs*

Oh well. Lifes life. now for other crap.

Renee is .. Renee. She doesn't belive me, but she is still very influenced by other people, and what they think. She thinks she is "Miss Original" But she does it all for attention. She dresses like the rest of them. Each new 'best friend' she makes, she does what they do.
Me = Anime.
Alex = Games.
Sam = Rebellious outcast of hatred and gothiness?
Elan = slut.
13? Pfft. I love yah, Renee. They won't last you through highschool. You're stuck with me. Meh heh.

Jay's off to college to be smart and such.
Hu. Zah.

And .. that is my life.

Is an online relationship really a .. relationship? o.o;;

Wash your sins

Here again. [13 Jun 2004|09:24pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Just making another log in my oh-so-wonderful journal.

Schools almost over. Why is it the last few weeks seem to take forever? Ugh .. and these finals are killing me. Well, doesn't matter if I fail the English one, I already have more than enough credits to pass. Math .. meh .. I'm not worried. The others I aced for sure XP

Driving School. Blegh. Boring as all hell. Atleast I get a coolata every day during "Break". It's an easy class .. I Guess it gives me something to do other than go online after school. Nicky S. is in my class.

HEY LOOK! *points* GAY!

Yeah. I got my OMG hat on Gaia! Woo Hoo! (Yes, these things are important to me .. ) It only cost me all my gold and my NM scarf. Oh well, I'll live. It's all just Pixels, anyway.
Very .. sexy .. pixels .. .. .. but pixels all the same .. o.o;;

Shop sucks. But I am no longer a Sophomore in Shop, therefor .. MR.V IS NOT MY TEACHER! *does a small jig*. Maybe now I will get put in desktop once or twice. Gotta start working for VICA. Must make it to Nationals. Ug. Ug. Mrs. Violet/Smith has turned me into a drone. Oh what is this world coming to.

THE DRAFT! *cringe* This could give me an ulser. THANKS JASON! ;.;

Oh well. Guess that's it. Blah. Blah blah.

1 Washed sinWash your sins

Ugh .. [18 May 2004|07:49pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

Is it a bad thing when you want to keep track of someone's life you havn't spoken to in a long time?
I don't know if it's me .. but I like to. Weather it be a friend who betrayed me years ago or just someone I lost touch with .. I still like to see what they are doing. I don't IM or PM them .. I read their away messages .. the profiles. Just out of curiosity. I don't know why.

Anyway, I havn't written in this in a long time .. again. I'm really not a very commited person to anything, eh?

Let's see .. the main subjects of life.

School: Crappy as usual. Honors classes keep me awake, but still drive me insane with boredum. Atleast I'm passing everything with at least an 85+. And MCAS. Oh endless oodles of fun. I sit in a hot gym next to Jonneh and write about what makes the most boring thing known to man .. interesting. Whatever. Lifes life.

I got 4th place in Skills USA states competition last month. I was the only 10th grader out of 11 and 12th graders, Mrs. Smith/Violett didn't pack me all of my materials, and I had no idea really how to work the computers .. and I still managed to get 4th place out of 12 competetors. Either they suck .. of I may actually be good at something. *gasp*

I actually wish Jeff went. I ended up talking to him on my cellphone in the hotel the whole time. Nicole (S) has to come next year .. even if she has been a cockyish bitch lately.

Our problem with Renee.

Lets start from the beggining; Renee and Dave are going out. Yesindeedy, they are.

OK, so me and Dave still talk as friends, but Renee hasn't been speaking to me at all. She says she doesn'tmean it, and that she has been busy .. but isn;t that the same excuses Nicky used? Lol, I know when I am unwanted. Happens alot. Kinda funny. Doesn;t matetr though. The Human Race is a sad one. I would rather die alone than caught in a gay love triangle of gayness.

And speaking of gayness .. .. .. Renee tells Dave that she "Can't help but flirt with other guys all the time." I dunno about you, but I would go insane if my GF told me that. He said it was alright. Whatever. Their mistakes, not mine.
Thats what you get for dating a 12 year old .. *tries not so rub in the fact shes right .. again*

I'm right about alot of things. It's scary. Especially when I have a sinking feeling the world is going to end this year. I really don't want it to be true. But somehow, when Nicky left, had the same sinking feeling she would throw me away like yesterdays grabge. I KNEW it, and I told her that, and she put on her fake innocence and said "Oh, but blah, I love you blah blah .. my best friend blah, South Carolina blah blah Hickville blah Fall River will always be my home blah." As much as I didn't want it to be true, it was. I was right, again. Yep. Death is apon us all!

Guess thats it for my mindless rantings few people will probably bother reading. Toodles! O.o;

PS: I still lvoe anime and bishis as the geek I am.

PSS: I still love Nay (even if she is being a bitch) Dave, Kimi, Kari .. and another assortment of people I don't feel like typing out of sheer laziness and boredum.

PSSS: I am getting a Volvo, and I'll be driginv my December. I'ma plow through everyone with my rock on wheels!

Wash your sins

Seriously? [22 Mar 2004|03:59pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I have decided to take this journal more seriously.

I have deleted all of my old posts, such as the ones that were all about Nicky or had mindless rants about myself that no one cares about...heh heh. Kept the quizzes, though. They're just sexy.

Anyway, again, not too much has happened in my life, like it ever does.

I got second place in Skills USA VICA districts. Woo Hoo. Now I have to go to states. Ugghhh.
The guild is already dead. We are failures. Woosh!
Finnally started using my Deviant art account, as well asother forgotten accounts all over the net I have stopped using for one reason or another, such as this, RPGC, Gaia, and powerpets. Whatever..give it a few days and I won't use it much anymore...heh.

School has been the same as always. Long, depressing days being annoyed by Andy and Jeff and annoying Nicole (S). I have to add the damn S now. Can't just say Nicole...I am not even going to get into that. Again. And again.

I just don't understand how people who hurt and lie their way through life and get whatever they want/need and honest people get all the trash. Why isn't lifelike an anime where the good guy always wins? Damn their convincing cartoonish ways...

Jay got in a car accident and totaled his third car (though this time he himself totaled it and not someone else...) GO JAY! Your on a roll! >^.^

7 Washed sinsWash your sins

Blahness.... [01 Mar 2004|08:22pm]
[ mood | insane ]

I am an evil person. Bua ha. *scoff*

I just felt like saying that.

Well, once again, this jounral went on unknown and untouched. Not like anyone reads it, but me bring it back anyway.

Stuff that has happened;

Nicole. Blah. I have nothing more to say about her. Son of a bitch. Monkey spanker. Liar. Cheater. Spineless. Evil. Uhm...EVIL! Yeah.

I made a site. Whee!

School..meh. Alone as usual. Oh well..life goes on.

Renee? Shes alive.

John? Shawn? Annoying as always...

Dave? His screen keeps blinking...it is very much distracting me...maybe I should reply...
*does so*
He speaks of Goku. DBZ sucks.
Goku from Saiyuki is a cutie. Yum yum.
Gojou is better.
Hakkai is hott.
Marron owns all.
Candied chestnuts.

I need a life. And a new computer. Which brother of mine will sonn finish.

Peanutbuter = SHWANKY SHWANK!

Hoobie Joo?

I am slowly and surly going isane.

Welp, I promise to update everytime something important happens! Which will be like..never. Yeah. Sounds about right.

Dave is blinking again.

Wash your sins

Bah. [18 Dec 2003|04:28pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Wow. Long time no writey...

Forgot this thing exsisted until Brother of mine said something about it and reminded me of it.

Have to write a Sonnet for English. I hate poetry.

Wow. Nothing much happened in my life. Oh, except the fact that my best friend moved to South Carolina. Thats always a good thing.
We dont really talk much...she called a bunch of times, but once she got her internet the calls stopped. That and the fact she doesn't talk to anyone online so..our communication has gone to an increadible low...-.-;

Oh well. You make some you lose..err..all of them. Well..thats how my life has worked out thus far.

People are ment to be alone. Yep, works for me.

And love sucks. ^.^

Other stuff that happened in my lifee....eerrr...I'm failing a subject! Thats..a bad thing....

Wow, I need a life...

Or just to make a site. That works too. ^^;;;;

Wash your sins

Chicka wow. [13 Aug 2003|11:45pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

Bored. out. of. my. mind.
Anyway, I haven't updated in like..forever so..I am..err..going to...uhm...update. -.-;;
Not much to say. I love Slayers. I have a new bishi. Zelgadis. And Ilpalazzo. All Hail Lord Ilpalazzo. Hail dammit. No, really. I'm serious. Start hailing.
Anyway, yeah. I am dreading this year in school. Algebra with Mr. Goj. Goi. Goij. Mr. Bob. There, that works. And Graphic Arts with Mr...V. And worst of all, no Nicky and more Danny. *Hands person who is reading this a knife* Knock yourself out. Kill me. Now. Really. I'm not kidding.
FLCL AKA Fooly Cooly is going to be on in 10 minutes. Woo. Hoo.
Did I mention Nicky is moving? to NC? All alone and lonley in Hicksville? Without her Cait? And shes gonna get a new Cait. So then she won't be lonley in Hicksville. But I will still be lonley.
Pointless story. Joy joy.
Hooray for DDR. I love it. Feel the enthusiasm, man.

I am going to waste my life away now.
Have a good life, everyone.

~Rika Akaiya Crawford Greywords Valentine Ilpalazzo Sephiroth Inorganic Angel The Stampede.
errr...
Cailtyn.

HASH(0x8739f1c)
You're Zelgadis Greywerds! You're the loner type,
and don't talk much. You're also the local,
friendly Chimera of the town! ~.^ also, the
girls go SCREAMING after you! feel loved, feel
very loved.


What Slayers(TM) Character Are You?
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I should be proud...no?
Wash your sins

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